Mandala A Diary Without Words
Guest Post- Anxiety Therapy –
I am very pleased to bring you this guest post from @the_daily_fine_liner
I had seen Mandalas on Instagram and found myself trying one out, I loved the patterns and enjoyed the expression of colour, once you leave school you don’t normally find yourself colouring in, I loved it! I started to research mandalas and discovered that they are used as a therapy, for stress and anxiety as well as other disorders, I added this to my Anxiety Wellbeing Plan. I am honoured and very grateful that Elisha has shared her journey as tough as it was with us, she is a superstar, it will give you hope, and inspire you!
Why I Started Drawing/Mandala as Therapy
Everyone says that my drawing is a talent. I guess it is, but it wasn’t always like that. Drawing used to be a therapy, a way to forget about the world around me, a way to loose myself in art, a way to focus on good thoughts, a way to reduce my high levels of anxiety and a way to express myself…practically a diary with no words.
In the late months of 2015, I was officially diagnosed with a full-blown eating disorder-anorexia. Prior to this, I’d been reducing my diet and exercise levels for almost two years. As you can imagine, being properly diagnosed was a mix of a massive shock and a slight relief.
The start of 2016, was the first time I consciously realised what I had gotten myself into, the first time I realised this was a battle I had to fight not just surrender to, the first time I realised this was a serious issue. Treatment began soon after this realisation of my illness. My treatment required me to literally stop my life to focus on my food and exercise habits and how they were abnormal. This was massive to me and at the time didn’t seem achievable. This included stopping school until my weight was stable, as well as not working at my part-time job and not participating in any form of physical exercise. So, at the beginning of year ten, whilst my year level went off to school for the first day, I attended my first day of therapy.
Saying any of this was easy would be the biggest lie you’ve ever heard. It was one hell of a battle, that at the time seemed like it would never end. After four weeks, I had gained enough weight to be able to attend school, which brought its own challenges, however, treatment still continued. It took countless visits to dietitians, phycologists, physiatrists and general practitioners…but in the end, through the help of my family and the grace of God, I was discharged from therapy. So where does drawing come into this you ask?…Good question!
I vividly remember the first time I drew. It was at the beginning of 2016, having been told I had an eating disorder, I was uncontrollably upset.
Prior to this, I’d never considered myself an artsy person, I was more the sporty one. I did all kinds of sport and exercise but never had I drawn or painted properly. As my treatment began, I was at home all the time, as I wasn’t allowed to go to school. This meant I had a lot of spare time on my hands, as my only job to do was eating. I began to draw every now and then.
At this point my mandalas were just developing, so they didn’t look all that great, however, straight from the start, they helped me focus on the good, and forget about the awful stuff happening around me. As time went on, I found myself drawing all the time. My drawing book and fine-liner would come to every one of my appointments. I would draw before appointments to relieve my anxiety and I would draw after appointments to relieve the anger I was feeling. Even after returning back to school, I kept up my drawing. I used to draw all through some of my classes, even getting told off by a few teachers for not concentrating on my work!
Drawing is the main reason I don’t ever regret my illness. It was one hell of a journey, but in the end, I found a passion, a talent, and a story. I still draw today and I love it. For me, drawing is a way of focusing on good thoughts, a way to express myself. I’ve always said that my drawings are my diary…with no words. I still keep all my drawings from all through my illness and every now and then I have a look. It’s amazing to look at the passion that has evolved from such a horrible experience…a passion that has evolved from this ‘non-artsy’ person. Without this experience, that would not have been discovered.
My Instagram account @the_daily_fine_liner began at the start of 2016, almost immediately after I started drawing. I found that this was a way to not only share my art but express myself. In the late months of 2016, I decided to draw a mandala on my bedroom wall. By this time, I was recovered and finished therapy. My dream was to draw it to remind me of where I’ve been and what I can do.
A lot of people see me drawing, whether it be at school, at family functions, or just on my Instagram account, and ask me why I’m good at drawing, or how I started drawing. I don’t normally tell anyone why I really started drawing, I don’t normally tell anyone that it was my therapy, because sometimes I feel as though I’m burdening people with my downfall. But maybe, just maybe, my story can possibly help someone else out there in the same situation as I was in, or even help others to voice their experiences, even if it makes them vulnerable.
By losing myself in mandalas, I discovered (and am still discovering ) my purpose in life. Mandalas have been a part of my recovery journey and still continue to be a part of my life. When people say recovery, many people think of returning back to where you were or who you were, but one has to realise, there is no going back! By recovering, you do not merely recover, but you reinvent yourself, you become something completely different to what you were previously. Through challenging experiences, character and passions grow.
I hope that you do, try this and discover its calming effects the way I have and many others. Take care x